• Crazy is a relative term in my family!
• Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
• Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
• Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.
• I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.
• "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
• The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
• If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
• Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
• All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
• "POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
• Save the environment... plant a Bush back in Texas.
• None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all
• everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE
• "I'm going to live life or die trying"
• Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
• "I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"
• "It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!
• Consciousness- that annoying time between naps.